The Crap Comics Strike Again!

Ok, so i was at the union the other day watching some half decent comics. Then one guy runs on screaming 'up the bum, up the bum' into the mic.
Hold up there. Sorry, but running on stage screaming your homosexuality to a crowd of students isn't comedy. It's desperation. It's like the only way he could tell the world his big secret was by pretending to be a comedian. And i don't use the word 'pretend' lightly, as the following jokes made us want to ram our boots up his bum, right off the stage. And well, maybe you could let him off with the minor mishap here or there, but the thing was, whenever he ballsed up, he just sang 'up the bum, up the bum' into the mic again.
The point i'm trying to put forward here is, who the hell judges these comedians before they get let loose on stage? Does someone just take one look at them and say 'heck, your face is a full 5 minute time slot in itself mate' and let them on?
I saw one guy proclaim that he wasn't able to determine the position of female genitals, thereby making a laughing stock of himself before he even reached his punchline. Then he started trying to pick on people in the crowd. What, after that failure? I think not mate; all i was thinking was telling him to shave that afro, before we made a whole stand-up dedicated to it.
Now, don't get me wrong, some of the guys on that stage were hillarious, the jokes made you howl, but a lot of them go the wrong way about it. Say for example, one dude in particular starts joking about how unattractive his girlfriend was. Yes, you heard me right. See what i mean?
And the best the compere could come up with was stating the fact that a guy in the crowd had some major sideburns. Haha. Fucking hillarious. I think i might just go grow some. Cue epic facepalm moment.
So when the interval came, my own stupidity came to light when I melted a bit of plastic and set it on fire with a candle, nearly letting it set the fire-alarm off. Now, i must say, this encounter was actually funnier than most of the one liners being thrown about by the 'guy who definitely wasn't Bob Monkhouse' on the stage a few minutes before. Come one, even the price of that beer was more hillarious than these guys.
So the morals of the matter are; if you go to see a comedy show and a guy runs on stage chanting the line 'up the bum', leave. Just bloody leave.