The Importance of Being Manly?

When i shave, i feel like a man.
When i watch Arnie fighting a 7 ft alien, i feel like a man.
But when i'm watching an episode of Desperate Housewives, however, i don't. Partly because the men on that show are about as manly as the Barbie Dolls they married. But mainly because there is always one blonde-haired designer-glasses-wearing bimbo who just likes to make life hell for everyone else.
Hold on, don't i know people like that? Oh yes, that's right. They're called teachers. And i don't have a brilliant past with teachers of the female variety. This makes me imagine the super-bitches on T.V as characterizations of my 6th year english teacher. Only with nice hair and straight teeth. So whenever i see these women, i immediately go into bitch mode and hope the gold-digging, lego-faced women go straight to hell for sabotaging someone's car journey to get a pint of milk.
And you know what?
I enjoy it.
It gives you this primal anger no man can get from having someone else spill his pint. So, when the series is on, every Wednesday i'll be at the T.V hoping they manage to drown the bitch before she stops their husbands getting their bowl of Corn Flakes.
Terrible.
But beneath the original 'Oh god, i feel like i'm gonna need some high heels and 12-inch fingernails,' i realise I get the same manly rush i find when listening to James Hetfield wanting to stab priests for letting his mother die.
It's a weird comparison, I know, and one that doesn't really seem to work. But it does. Every man thinks that when he's away from the female in his life, or any, he is free to roam and 'be a man,' opening tins of beans and farting.
But is this manly? Arn't we supposed to make sure life is comfortable for women, and showing them more respect than we show ourselves? When we, as men, are with women, we show them the love, compassion and courtesy they deserve. They then, in return, shout at us for leaving the toilet seat up, or for buying the wrong damn chocolate.
But what we don't notice is that this constant onslaught of physical and mental abuse just drags us further away from the bean-tin-opening, farting cavemen we were born as. It makes us more mature, more confident, smarter and competent at tasks other than eating Beans. Instead, we are introduced to this strange food called Toast. And apparently, Toast goes well with Beans.
Now, isn't THIS what you would call a man, one who cares for others and scratches a cat behind the ears rather than screaming at them until they run away in fear. The image of a man in a suit getting the top job. Now THAT's a man, and the foundations are based not around Bazuka's and beating up the French, but 'Desperate Housewives' and common chivelry.
And do you have a problem with this?
If so, off and enjoy the farting.